F is for Friendship

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
Oscar Wilde

I am not a particularly sentimental or maudlin creature except where cats and 1940s movies are concerned so I embark on this particular concept with some trepidation and hopefully a little humour.

I think of the "friends" I have known and ones that have passed, literally and others who have just passed me by and I sometimes feel a small stab of regret: not a guilty form of regret but rather a sense of having lost something.

I recently "lost" a friend to that evil cancer and years ago another friend to the same evil disease and I always wished that they had the freedom to blossom in their lives. I hoped I had in some ways agitated, provoked and cared enough about them to inspire a little adventure or even - yes brought some joy to their lives as they did to mine.

I also think of those friendships I tried to rekindle and failed miserably - you can't go back and pick up your friends as often you have changed and they haven't and it is glaringly obviouse. I don't live the lifestyle of the young and foolish anymore but rather prefer to curl up with the cats and watch tv or read a book.

As I age I like meeting people here and there but have more faith in the "accident" of friendship, the karma or fate of the connection. I don't want to be everybody's friend dashing around being entertaining.

Marlene Deitrich said, "It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter" and I get her point. I can think of a handful of friends I could do that with and it feels good. The Dalai Lama is very pragmatic about it all and I will end on his quote. Perhaps that is the story of my friendships - they begin with Oscar Wilde and end with a monk's.

"Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."